Guilt and Misery
by V. Sourweather
Summary: Daphne doesn't want the life waiting for her - but she doesn't have any choice. [RATED M for sexual situations, adultery, swearing]


_Hello everyone! This is an Arranged Marriage fic, but please, be aware that it is a lot darker than anything I've written so far. Therefore, read the warnings carefully, and if these bother you, please don't read this. But I hope for those of you who will read it, you will like it! :)_

_This story is based on the song _Marry Me_, by Emilie Autumn._

_Summary: Daphne doesn't want the life waiting for her - but she doesn't have any choice._

_Rating: M_

_Warnings: sexual situations, adultery, swearing_

_Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and nothing belongs to me. I don't make any money out of this story._

_.:._

_List of prompts at the end_

_Word count [without the A/N]: 2,964 words_

* * *

_**Guilt and Misery: **_**Daphne Greengrass, Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini**

**i**

Daphne stares at the noticeboard. There are still a lot of names that Linny, their House Elf, has not checked yet, and that means that she still has time before her life changes forever.

She takes in a deep breath and shakes her head.

"Daphne," her sister whispers in her ear, and she realizes that her mother is looking at her intently.

"Daphne, this is an important day for you," the older woman starts. "You're seventeen, and you are getting engaged. You should consider yourself lucky. Could you please pay a little more attention to the people around you?"

She wants to scoff and stalk away (lucky… how is she lucky in any way?) but she doesn't. She stays polite and answers with a smile that doesn't lit up her sky blue eyes, "Of course, Mother."

She then stares at Mr. Nott, whose smile doesn't reach his eyes either.

"You were asking, Mr. Nott?" she asks sweetly (too sweetly).

"I was asking if you were satisfied with our arrangement," he answers, and his voice is like that of a snake, and she tries to hide her scowl.

"Of course. I am sure I will be happy to be engaged to your son," she smiles gracefully, but she's lying. She knows if she doesn't, it will be taken as a little act of rebellion, and that could lead to dangerous consequences, considering the kind of people present here on this day for the engagement party.

He nods and seems as satisfied as he can be by her answer.

She focuses on the noticeboard again, and the first thing she notices is that the name she has been dreading to see checked all along actually _has been_ checked. She has to restrain herself from spinning around wildly, and instead calmly looks around her. When she sees his dark skin, his black hair and his brown eyes, focused only on her, her breath catches like it always does when she sees him, and she excuses herself and strides towards him.

She stands before him and blushes like a stupid teenager when he smiles at her. It's a sad smile, and she knows why, so she gestures to him to follow her and steps out of her house (which is more like a manor). She walks away from it, far away into the gardens, and when she's sure no one can see her anymore, she turns around.

There he is, following her with fluid strides. He stops barely a meter away from her and raises an eyebrow.

"You shouldn't be here," she tells him, and her voice sounds a little broken, because she wants nothing more than to be with him, to run away, and she can't. "You shouldn't be here. I'm not myself when I'm around you."

"Not yourself?" he repeats. "You've got to be kidding me! You're your _true self_ around me."

"Blaise…" she sighs. "They don't care about that. They don't care about what I want, only about what _they_ want. You know it as much as I do."

"But you can't tell me you've actually agreed to this."

"It's not like I have much of a choice!" she snaps at him. "I don't want to be with Nott, I want to be with _you_, but we _can't_!" She pauses and takes a deep breath before telling him, "That's why I need you to go."

He scoffs and steps a little closer, and she hates herself for being so weak, but she feels like time has suspended itself when he leans closer and presses a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"Tell me you want me to go now, Daphne," he whispers in her ear.

She wants to, _oh God how she wants to_, but instead, she grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him close.

Their lips meet halfway and their hands are everywhere. Hers are occupied with unbuttoning his shirt (really, did he have to come in a shirt? she asks herself), and his are rolling up her lilac dress.

For a brief second, he pulls back to look at her swollen lips and her bare legs, and he says, "The dress fits the colour of your eyes," and she hums and pulls him back to her, finally removing his shirt.

Her hands slide on his back and he lowers his mouth, kissing her neck. She knows this is going too far, she knows she will be a sinner soon, but she doesn't care. And she can't care any less when he lowers her to the ground, on the shirt he has laid out (when?), and hovers above her.

She desperately wants him to kiss her again, but he pulls back. "Daphne," he says seriously but a little out of breath. "Are you sure about this?"

"It's not like it's our first time," she whispers to him.

A smirk crosses his face, but then he is serious again and starts, "It's not what I –", but she is kissing him again and the words lose themselves into her mouth.

His fingers slide up her body to her breasts, and her breath catches when she feels his caress. It's tender and slow, but she wants more than that, because this will be the last time they'll be together, and they have to make the most of it.

Her hands work on his belt and then everything goes too fast for her to register, until he is inside her, finally, and everything freezes. She doesn't care that they're doing this in her garden, where everyone could see them if they bothered to walk away from the manor. She just cares that he is with her now.

When he starts moving inside her while kissing her neck, she just arches her body and moves with him. She feels it when his breath becomes uneven and he thrusts into her faster and faster. She also feels it, deep inside her, when his lips move to her shoulder and form the words _I love you_ (though he never utters them). Those three words are the ones that send her over the edge, and she sighs when she sees stars (even as her mind screams at her _Sinner, sinner, sinner_).

She holds him close to her and inhales the scent of him as he rests his forehead against her shoulder, but then, when she is sure that her voice won't betray her, she whispers, "Blaise."

He looks up and sees something in her eyes that makes him pull out of her, put his clothes back on and stand up. He towers above her until she finally finds the strength (and the will) to pick herself up and straighten her lilac dress.

"You're going to –" he starts.

She cuts him off. "I don't want to see you again. _Ever_ again," she says, and the words hurt when they pass her lips, but she has finally said them.

She turns around so that he can't see the tears welling up in her eyes, and flies away.

"Daphne," he calls her back, and she stops for one second. "Goodbye," she hears him whisper, and when she turns around on the doorstep of the manor, he is gone.

She discreetly goes to her room after his goodbye and tries to hide her swollen lips and the fact that her dress is now crumpled (but she can't hide the fact that she is broken; the pain is there, in her sky blue eyes).

When she climbs down the stairs a few minutes later to go back to the party (this stupid party; none of that would have happened if her parents and Mr. Nott hadn't organized this damned party), she is back to normal and when her mother scolds her, saying curtly, "Just back for dinner," she apologizes and sits down next to her future fiancé.

She smiles tensely at him, and his piercing blue eyes scan her in response (she feels like he can see what she has just done). She doesn't make it better when she drinks wine that night (too much wine, but she needs strength for what is coming next).

After the dessert, Theodore Nott stands up and everyone at the table falls silent.

He kneels down in front of her and when he clumsily pulls a box out of a pocket of his robes, she sees the teenage boy he is (and wants to go back to being the teenage girl she had once been).

"Marry me?" he asks, and his voice is hesitant (but it shouldn't be; this is an arranged marriage, and she can't say no anyway).

She smiles gracefully, utters a short _Yes_, and gives him her hand so that he can slip the ring on her finger. There's an amethyst on the engagement ring, she notices. When she puts her hand back into her lap under the applause, she thinks the gemstone is just a shade darker than her lilac dress (and she hates it).

**ii**

It's not until the moment they both say _I do_, standing on a dais in the garden of Nott Manor barely one month later, that their lives are sealed forever.

They have to kiss then, and he leans forward. It's not his first kiss, and it's not hers either, but it's the first kiss they share together. And given how awkward it is (light, and not even really on her mouth), she hopes it will be their last.

They all go back into Nott Manor, and she is polite when she answers to the congratulations of the guests, and so is he. They're both perfect at pretending (although no one really expected them to love each other).

When she can't take it any longer, she excuses herself and leaves the party. She removes her shoes and lets her feet graze the grass as she runs away in her white dress. She stops when she is at the other end of the garden, and looks up at the sky. She thinks about what her life will be now, all love absent from it. She's certain she won't be able to appreciate (let alone love) her husband. And she also longs for what she had with Blaise, because it _was_ love (even if they never put this name on it).

She stays alone for a long time and doesn't notice Theodore's presence until he says, "You are so pale. Let the sun kiss your skin, darling."

She looks back at him, a little bewildered at the surname. She then sees Theodore's father standing behind him, and when his son asks him for a moment of privacy, he scowls but grants him his wish.

"Sorry for the act," Theodore says.

"Don't worry," she half-smiles, and then looks back at the sky and utters, "It's so… bright." _It shouldn't be so bright,_ she thinks, for her world is full of dark prospects now.

He only hums in return, and soon, he leaves her when he realizes there is nothing more to say.

That night, she is stressed out. The only one she has ever made love with is Blaise, and clearly, this will not be the same. She slowly pulls on the laces of her white dress (beautiful, shining white dress), and when it falls to the ground, she doesn't wait before she removes her undergarments.

She lies onto the bed and waits for him to join her. Surprisingly, when he makes love to her, it's not as bad as she thought it would be. He is gentle and even though it all goes faster than with Blaise and she doesn't see stars like she used to, she holds him in her arms because it's obvious it _is_ his first time making love to someone.

She immediately lets go of him though, and curls onto her side when it's all over. He doesn't try to touch her anymore, and she cries silently. When has her life become like this?

**iii**

"I know what you're doing, Daphne," her sister says once they're alone.

Four years have passed since the day of the wedding, and nothing has changed… Except for the fact that she feels guilty all the time, besides being miserable. She's seeing Blaise again. Since a chance meeting at the Ministry two years ago, they have been seeing each other again. First, they had done nothing but talk, and then it had turned into something else (something _more_).

"What I'm doing?" she repeats, going back to the present. "I'm not doing anything."

"With Blaise," Astoria clarifies, frowning.

Daphne just arches a brow, and her sister loses her nerves.

"Look, you're my sister, and I know that you used to be a sensible woman!" she exclaims. "And fucking your former boyfriend behind your husband's back is _not_ a sensible thing to do!"

The older woman stares at her little sister, and tears well up in her eyes. She knows she is not being sensible, but she can't help it. Every time she sees her lover, her heart beats faster and she feels alive again, even if it's just for a little while.

"Please, Astoria, don't tell Theodore about this," she begs. "If he is suspicious, please, lie to him! I don't want to be in trouble, and things are as good as they could be with him right now, and –"

"I won't tell him," her little sister says. "You will."

And right when she pronounces the words, Theodore appears with three glasses in his hands. He frowns and asks, "Tell me what?"

He sits down next to his wife, puts two glasses on the coffee table and holds another for Astoria to take. She shakes her head and smiles politely at him, then she stands up and looks down at her sister. There is a sad and pitiful look in her eyes when she declares, "You are more than what you have become."

And then she leaves.

Daphne looks at the empty doorway and wrings her hands in her lap. She knows what her sister has meant: she has wilted away since the wedding, and now she is just a ghost of herself (except when she is with Blaise). She looks back into the blue eyes of her husband, and as always, she feels as though he can see her every sin. She can't stay there, wringing her hands like this, so she stands up and walks out of Nott Manor (_her_ manor now as well).

She knows he is following her when she hears muffled footsteps in the grass behind her. She doesn't look at him though; she stares up at the blue April sky (blue like her sky blue eyes) and for once, she is not blinded by the sun.

"I think we need to talk, don't we?" Theodore finally asks her, and his voice is gentle. She wonders if she should be worried about it.

She wishes she could keep lying to stay out of trouble, but she finds she can't (because she _wants_ to be more than what she has become – a lying, unfaithful, broken wife), and she blurts out, "I'm seeing someone else." The words tumble out of her mouth, and it's like suddenly, she can breathe more easily. She hasn't realized until now the weight of her lie.

He smiles bitterly, and sighs, "I suspected something like that would happen." He pauses, and then asks, "Who is it?"

She wonders if she should tell him. She thinks that now that she has let out one of her secrets, she can't keep the name of the person itself to herself, and utters, "It's Blaise. Zabini."

"Mm…" he hums, and there's a chagrined look on his face when he continues, "I can see why you've chosen him."

She waits for the storm she is sure is coming.

"You'll never see him again, Daphne. Promise me," he simply says after a while, and she stares at him in shock. Really, after what she has just announced him, it's all he wants? A promise? Doesn't he want to hurt her? "Promise me," he insists when she doesn't answer immediately.

Her heart breaks; she knows she shouldn't have told him about this. Now her life will truly be filled with nothing but a feeling of emptiness.

"I promise," she whispers all the same.

He turns towards her and all she sees in his eyes, surprisingly, is understanding and forgiveness. She stares at his bright blue eyes and listens (_truly_ listens, for the first time) as he tells her, "I've been forced into this too, Daphne. It's why it's called an arranged marriage. I can understand why you did it – he's so much better than I'll ever be – and I forgive you. But we have to maintain a semblance of act, and you have to stop seeing him. Even if you love him, and not me."

She nods and gazes up at the sun. If he sees the tears rolling down her cheeks, he doesn't say a word about them and rather leaves her there, standing in the grass. She keeps the exact same stance until she finally can't hear his fading footsteps any longer, and then she lowers her head and keeps crying, regretting the life she could have had and hating herself for it (because she can't change anything anymore, and regrets won't lead to anything).

The dark prospects she had once foreseen on the day of her wedding are now coming true. Her whole life will be filled with polite conversations, and _nothing_ more. But at least now, she knows that her husband is like her (empty), and that they will be together through this hell and they will feel the same hurt, so she simply walks back into the manor and closes the door behind her.

* * *

_Written for:_

_**If You Dare Challenge (REVIVED!):** 899\. Sinner_

**_[HSWW] Yearly Events:_**

_Insane Prompt Challenge: 808. (trope) Arranged Marriage_

_365 Prompts: 18. Polite_

_Yearly Scavenger Hunt: 94. Write a fic using inspiration from a song_

_**[HSWW] Herbology Hangout:** A proposal; (song) Marry Me - Emilie Autumn; (character) Theodore Nott; (colour) lilac; (setting) a party; (item) noticeboard_

**_[HSWW] March - Fortnightly Challenges:_**_ Sophie's Smut (Or Not, As It Were): 2. Thrust_

**_[HSWW] Writing Club - March: _**

_Disney Challenge (_The Lion King_): Dialogue #2 - "You are more than what you have become."_

_Book Club (_Me Before You_, Jojo Moyes): Katrina Clark - (relationship) sister, (character) Daphne Greengrass, (word) sensible_

_Em's Emporium: 1. Sleep Schedule - Alt (situation) write about the absence of something_

**_[HSWW] March Monthly - Alphabetti Spaghetti:_**_ Letter T - Theodore Nott_

**_[HSWW] Spring - Seasonal Challenges:_**

_Days of the Year: 3rd April (World Party Day) - Write about throwing / attending a party_

_Seasonal Challenge - Spring: 21. (dialogue) "Let the sun kiss your skin, darling."_

_Seasonal Challenge - Colours: Sky Blue_

_Seasonal Challenge - Birthstones: 1. Diamond - (dialogue) "It's so... bright."_

_Seasonal Challenge - Flowers: 8. Lilac - (scenario) Lying to stay out of trouble_

_Elemental Challenge - Earth: Earth Prompts: 16. (dialogue) "I think we need to talk, don't we?"_

_Hufflepuff Challenge - Hufflepuff Prompts: Traits: 12. Forgiving_

_Star Chart - Spring Astronomy Prompts: 1. March 22nd - Conjunction of Mercury and Neptune: (scenario) First Kiss_


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